Don’t Hug Someone Who Murdered Me…

So I’ve been seeing this quote posted all over Facebook and I was hoping it wasn’t in relation to something in real life, but of course… it was about the horrible case of the cop (I will not say her name) murdering Botham Jean in Dallas. It’s an extremely sad case, and I can’t imagine how his family feels knowing he was murdered in his own home. For no reason at all.  

There was a witness who recorded a video of what happened after the altercation, showing the cop who murdered Jean pacing back and forth. What’s crazier is, another witness in this case, Joshua Brown, has been murdered as well. What a crazy world we live in that someone’s life could be in danger from wanting justice for another who lost their life at the hands of those who are supposed to serve and protect! I think some cops get mixed up and think it means serve and protect themselves, and their interests. But it doesn’t at all – it means serve and protect their communities and the people in those communities, no matter who they are or how different they are from you.

As most of us know, the cop has been sentenced to 10 years, and after all was said and done the judge (a black woman) consoled both her and the deceased victim’s family. Another cop (a black woman) during the trial was shown helping fix the hair of the cop, consoling her as well. Jean’s brother also publicly forgave her, hugged her, and urged her to find a relationship with Christ.

This ticked some people offffff.

At first, I thought I could understand both sides – What if it really was an accident? The judge consoled both families, not just the cops. And as far as his brother choosing to forgive, that could just be the way he is healing – we all deal with grief differently.

Well, based on the death of the witness Joshua Brown, and the other neighbor, who recorded the video, being visited by cops & feds, this story just seems too ‘typical’ to me – a cop killing a black man and downplaying what happened.

And honestly, when I really think of myself in this situation, I’d say the same thing I’ve been seeing everywhere…


Don’t hug someone who murdered me. Hug my family so they feel comforted. It almost seems insulting to hug the person who took my life right after consoling my family.

Don’t fix someone’s hair who murdered me. Fix my mom’s hair and wipe her tears because she probably won’t be thinking to do those things. She’ll be in too much pain.

Don’t wish shorter sentencing on someone who murdered me. Wish the best for my children who’ve lost a parent. Set up college funds for them can go out and change the world and make it a better place. A place where we have less innocent people of color being murdered for NO. REASON. AT. ALL.

Don’t cry for someone who murdered me. Cry for me. Cry for our world. Cry for hate. Cry for injustice. But not for someone who took my life.

If you have to do something – just pray for someone who murdered me. Pray that they own up to their actions, and any biases they hold that caused them.

But don’t hug them.

Hugs make people feel like things will be okay. The literal definition includes ‘to express affection.

& hugs heal. If my life has been taken, I think my family needs that healing & affection more than anything.


I usually don’t post about these type of things, but please, share your thoughts. How do you feel about this situation? Would you feel the same if it was your family?


2 thoughts on “Don’t Hug Someone Who Murdered Me…

  1. Exactly! Not saying be mean to people or that revenge is the way. However, in situations like this, your focus should be on honoring the life of the innocent and helping the family with the grieving process.

    There’s a time and a place for extending yourself to the perpetrator. But that time, if ever, should never be in the same space or period of a family’s grieving process.

    Depending on your relationship to the situation, it might be in your best interest, out of respect, just to pick a side. Don’t add salt to the injury that will never heal. Don’t be someone you’re not but don’t feel bad about turning the cold shoulder either. It’s okay to let people live in the fact that they are dead wrong without trying to make them feel better.


    1. Right! You can definitely still be respectful & polite but it’s just too much in this case. & agreed it does depend on the situation and how close you are to it.


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