Write the Vision. Make it Plain (& Simple).

It’s practically the third month of 2020!!! It seems so unreal to me that time is flying this fast. So much is happening already! Something a lot of us do to start the new year is make vision boards. Me, on the other hand, never make my vision boards at the start of the year.. I like to give it a month or two before actually putting my goals on a board. I’ll have goals on my radar, but January usually tests my patience…

& I like my goals to be as well thought out and realistic as possible.. not based on stresses, etc. For those like me, sometimes making a vision board can be overwhelming. Like, where do you start?

Here are some tips that helped me when planning my 2020 visions:

Write Down Your Values – Your vision and goals should be centered around your personal values, since your values are the core of who you are. This step should also include making personal value-based mission statement for the year. What is your 2020 theme?

Write Down your Goals – Simple one! After reflecting on your values and overall mission, start thinking about your goals for the year and write them down.

Create a Dream/Stretch Goal – What fun is a vision board without a Super Stretch Dream Goal?! Write out what your DREAM life is.. then write three smaller goals that can help make that dream life a reality.

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Re-evaluate your values – Do they align with your goals? Do they align with your dreams? If not, you might want to spend a bit more time thinking about them. It’s on YOUR time, so take as much of it as you need.

Design your board! – This is the fun part. Get to it!


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If you can dream it, you can make tangible goals for it. Start today! We also have some great vision board worksheets for our She Copes sisters. You can find them HERE

Happy Visioning! 



When do you typically do vision boards? How do you plan your goals out?

6 Quick Tips to Cope with Anxiety

Some things that affect our mental health aren’t looked at as ‘as serious’ as other problems. Anxiety is definitely one of these that I’ve seen constantly downplayed. With the struggles I’ve faced with anxiety, I couldn’t not share something to shed more awareness on World Mental Health Day.

As I talked about on this episode of the podcast, I went throuuugh ittt – when I first started experiencing anxiety it was tough and I just knew something major was wrong with me. I went to the ER like 3 times in one weekend because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The last hospital told me I was hyperventilating and was dealing with anxiety. I won’t talk about it too much here because you can listen to the episode…

But eventually I started to feel like I’d had a good grip on it. I was good for a couple of years! But yall, it started to come back with what seemed like a vengeance lately! & I NOW know it was because of different forms of stress I was allowing in my life. I was over-working, over-thinking and definitely over-stressing. Not to mention over-eating, as I do too much of when I feel overwhelmed. :-/

After feeling so much better for so long, I feel like I started to forget all the ways I’d learned to deal with my anxiety. It felt like I was starting from square 1. Which made the whole experience even more stressful than before.

You know when you feel like you’re over something, then you get triggered and realize you really aren’t??

#Yea…That Feeling

Since I know I’m not the only one who needs reminders of what helps when dealing with stress sometimes, here are 5 quick ways we all can ease our anxieties:

& they’re quick because when you’re in that moment, you just want fast relief.

Breathe In, Breath Out. The moment I feel myself starting to stress or panic, I start deep breathing and it may seem really simply but it truly helps! It forces me to focus on my breathing rather than what may be stressing me. And it’s worth calling out that sometimes you may not even realize what’s stressing you – so pay attention to what’s going on when you notice a panic attack or anxious feeling coming on.

Walk it Off. Feeling fresh air and taking a quick five minute walk literally clears my mind. Kind of like deep breathing, feeling the natural air and sun on my skin makes me feel like I’m being freed from whatever is stressing me lbs. Plus, getting your heart pumping & moving is always good for lifting your mood.  

Cut the Caffeine – This is sooo hard for me, but I notice a difference when I stop drinking coffee. I know other people call perms the creamy crack, but for me it’s definitely a Vanilla Caramel Latte. The problem for me with caffeine is that it races your heart, which leads to more anxious feelings.

Sis, Lose the SHAME! You need help, we all do. And that’s okay. But if you can’t lose the shame that sometimes comes with anxiety, you’ll never fully get the help you need. You deserve to feel better, sis. Getting professional help is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Accept it and do what you have to in order to have peace. Peace. Is. Priceless.

Pulse Check… Now this one is something that I’ve done since I started dealing with anxiety that I’m not sure many other people do. Whenever I get anxious I feel my heart start to race and then think it’s racing too fast which leads to more stress and higher heart rates. #Ughhhh So I started simply checking my pulse when I felt panicked. When I realize that it’s really not racing as fast I think, I calm down.

PRAYER – If you’re a woman of faith, I promise you prayer works and changes things. & that’s all she wrote on that one.

Although most of these have worked for me, everyone is different! There are other ways you can cope with stress in your life. The main wrong way to deal with it is to not deal with it at all.

PS – I know there are other wrong ways to deal with anxiety, & we’ll for sure talk about negative coping mechanisms soon in another post.


How do you deal with stress, anxiety or worry in your life? Share your tips in the comments!

Don’t Hug Someone Who Murdered Me…

So I’ve been seeing this quote posted all over Facebook and I was hoping it wasn’t in relation to something in real life, but of course… it was about the horrible case of the cop (I will not say her name) murdering Botham Jean in Dallas. It’s an extremely sad case, and I can’t imagine how his family feels knowing he was murdered in his own home. For no reason at all.  

There was a witness who recorded a video of what happened after the altercation, showing the cop who murdered Jean pacing back and forth. What’s crazier is, another witness in this case, Joshua Brown, has been murdered as well. What a crazy world we live in that someone’s life could be in danger from wanting justice for another who lost their life at the hands of those who are supposed to serve and protect! I think some cops get mixed up and think it means serve and protect themselves, and their interests. But it doesn’t at all – it means serve and protect their communities and the people in those communities, no matter who they are or how different they are from you.

As most of us know, the cop has been sentenced to 10 years, and after all was said and done the judge (a black woman) consoled both her and the deceased victim’s family. Another cop (a black woman) during the trial was shown helping fix the hair of the cop, consoling her as well. Jean’s brother also publicly forgave her, hugged her, and urged her to find a relationship with Christ.

This ticked some people offffff.

At first, I thought I could understand both sides – What if it really was an accident? The judge consoled both families, not just the cops. And as far as his brother choosing to forgive, that could just be the way he is healing – we all deal with grief differently.

Well, based on the death of the witness Joshua Brown, and the other neighbor, who recorded the video, being visited by cops & feds, this story just seems too ‘typical’ to me – a cop killing a black man and downplaying what happened.

And honestly, when I really think of myself in this situation, I’d say the same thing I’ve been seeing everywhere…


Don’t hug someone who murdered me. Hug my family so they feel comforted. It almost seems insulting to hug the person who took my life right after consoling my family.

Don’t fix someone’s hair who murdered me. Fix my mom’s hair and wipe her tears because she probably won’t be thinking to do those things. She’ll be in too much pain.

Don’t wish shorter sentencing on someone who murdered me. Wish the best for my children who’ve lost a parent. Set up college funds for them can go out and change the world and make it a better place. A place where we have less innocent people of color being murdered for NO. REASON. AT. ALL.

Don’t cry for someone who murdered me. Cry for me. Cry for our world. Cry for hate. Cry for injustice. But not for someone who took my life.

If you have to do something – just pray for someone who murdered me. Pray that they own up to their actions, and any biases they hold that caused them.

But don’t hug them.

Hugs make people feel like things will be okay. The literal definition includes ‘to express affection.

& hugs heal. If my life has been taken, I think my family needs that healing & affection more than anything.


I usually don’t post about these type of things, but please, share your thoughts. How do you feel about this situation? Would you feel the same if it was your family?

How to Make This Single Girl Fall Your Best Season Ever

The fall is officially here! Even though summer has my heart, I won’t lie – I do love fall fashion, warm cider drinks, & events around the city. It’s such a refreshing time of year with so much to do. But… sometimes it doesn’t feel that way when you’re single. #fallbymyself 😦 Sometimes girls just want to cuddle, be cuddled, sip hot cocoa and watch movies in matching PJ’s with a cutie they care about.

There are plenty of autumn’s past where I remember feeling just blahhh. Like, I want to enjoy some of these events and outings with someone! I’d have random dates every once in a while, or think something was going to be promising.. then God would step in like Nah… that’s not even yours. #HeWasRightThough

Even though I don’t regret what I learned from some of those nights alone & bored, what I do regret is wasting so much time waiting instead of getting out there and doing what I wanted regardless of whether or not I had a man do some of those things with.

Dating in the age of social media is a whole different game, sis! Believe me I get it. But there are things you can do in the fall to still have FUN!

Catch Up on Fall TV Shows. Ummm the FINAL season of How to Get Away with Murder just started! Binge the last 5 seasons and join some discussion groups on Facebook about your fave shows. This is the best especially on nights when its too cold to go out or you just need some chill ‘me’ time.

Make & Keep Plans with Your FRIENDS. Being single isn’t a prison sentence. Sometimes we put ourselves in solitary confinement when don’t have a man do to stuff with. Sis, go to some of those events with your friends! Take the lead in planning a night out with your girls!

Werkkk…. on Your Goals. Fall is the start of the LAST quarter of the year. Knock out all the goals you have set for yourself. Get it right and tight at the gym! Read that book you’ve been putting off. Start classes. Do whatever you told yourself you would! YOU owe it to you to keep your word.

Just Go do Fall Tings By Yo’Self. It’s nothing at all wrong with being out and about exploring on your own. Get to know yourself again, date yourself, really focus on your own thoughts. It’s an amazing feeling when you realize you don’t NEED anyone but you. That’s actually the time when you’re ready for someone else to come along.  In Chicago, my favorite spots to venture off to by myself are Millennium Park (to people watch lol), any good pizza spot #Pizzaislife, or just wandering around Hyde Park.

“There are some places in life where you can only go alone. Embrace the beauty of your solo journey.”

So take some time to fall in love this fall – with you. You’re worth it sis. 🙂


What are your go to fall activities? Do you venture out solo?

5 Ways to Take Back Your POWER

Picture this. Sicily, 1973. LOL JK #GoldenGirlsGang

But seriously, picture a time where you felt defeated, or down and out. What made you feel that way? For me, the times when I’ve felt I lost the most was when I’d lost my power. It’s such a cliché phrase – losing our power – but its real and happens every day. Sometimes, we simply lose it. As women of color, we already know we’re super powerful, but when life happens sometimes we forget.

How? Like, if we’re so powerful how could we forget that?

There are a few ways I’ve seen. For one, sometimes we simply give it away – to a boss or a handsome face. Other times we get in situations where we forget our worth or get distracted. And then sometimes we sell it – we think something is worth more than our power, so we give in to our kryptonite.

You probably can think of other reasons, there are a ton. But I’d bet eleven times out of ten no matter the reason, it never ends up being worth it. We end up in a place where we want and NEED our power back.

How do you get past that feeling of being lost or defeated? You just decide that it’s time to TAKE your power back. & this is how –

1. Own up to it. – You lost your power. Again, YOU lost your power. No one can steal it from you. You always play a part, so own up to it. Once you own it, only then can you start getting it back.

2. Shut. Up. – So I love to talk. It’s my favorite hobby lol. But closing our mouths and listening is such a necessary skill. Where are you? How’d you get here? Figure out how you lost your power. Not only do you need to listen to what’s outside of you, but more importantly, what’s going on inside? Our souls speak but we’re usually too busy talking to listen. Hear your heart out sis.

3. Let go of what’s causing you to allow something to hold your power. – Girlllll if I made a half a penny for every time I’ve seen (or shared haha) a quote about letting go… I’d be filthy uber rich chilling in Dubai or Bora Bora as I type. We always are told to let go and move on. But we will end up grabbing on again to the same thing or something else if we don’t fix whatever is causing us to hold on so tight in the first place. It’s always deeper than just letting go of what’s holding us back or what’s not good for us. We must let go of the mindset that allowed us to be held back in the first place. And that only comes with self-reflection and honesty. But I promise it will come when you put in the self-work.

4. FIGHTING for it. – So after you’ve owned it and figured out how you lost it, THEN you start getting it back. And power is so valuable that it’s priceless, so whatever you allowed to take it from you won’t give it back without a fight. So FIGHT. Push yourself. Fighting for it means others will have to change how they see you. And change their expectations of you. That will take work and consistency, but your power is worth that and more.

5. Keep walking towards it. Before you know it, you’ll be walking in it. The moment you realize you want your power back, is the moment you’ve taken the first step.

Keep going. Your power is waiting on you.



Have you ever had to take back your power? How did you cope during the process?

How to Forgive When They Didn’t Say Sorry…

Forgive: To stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw or mistake.

We all have needed to forgive – as human beings, it’s a universal experience. People wrong us, and we decide if it’s something we can forgive. They say sorry, we say it’s okay. Even if it isn’t okay sometimes, we still forgive people. Usually it’s simply because they asked. & that’s how a lot of us were raised. I can think of a few times when my brothers would annoy me lol – they’d have to say sorry. & I’d have to say I forgive you. Or we’d have to hug it out (I know my parents aren’t the only ones who did this lol).

It’s just always been the process.


 But what about the times when you don’t hear sorry? I can remember being upset for trivial things, and if I didn’t hear sorry I would brush it off. Or hold a fake grudge. #Shrugs #KidsWillBeKids

But now.. After experiencing things that truly hurt at my core, I got to a point where I felt like I NEEDED to hear sorry for stuff. Like, wasn’t everyone raised that way? When you hurt someone, you just say sorry. & when I didn’t get that apology, I didn’t know how to deal. How do I begin to move forward without closure? Or being given the opportunity to forgive at all?

After torturing myself by waiting for an apology I wasn’t ever going to receive, I realized that I didn’t need to be given an opportunity to forgive. I had the power to do that on my own.

Ladies, sometimes we really forget how amazing and powerful we really are.

Although it took a while for me to realize I had the power, realizing it was the easy part. It took werrkk to carry it out. Reminder – With great power comes great responsibility. Having power isn’t the hard part, it’s the work that’s assigned to your power. But that’s a message for another day. #ComingSoon

To get back on track before I sidebar any further, here are ways to truly forgive without hearing sorry:

Sis, You’ve Needed Forgiveness Before Too – It’s sooo easy to remember the ways someone wronged us, but can you remember a time when you were the one doing dirt & needing to say sorry? Was it hard to say it, if you even said it at all? Or did you justify your wrongdoings? It’s easier to accept the fact that you may not hear sorry when you realize you’ve probably skipped out on some apologies that you’ve owed too.

Letting Go – If I’m being honest with myself, the reason I wanted to hear sorry soo badly was because I thought it was the first step in fixing everything & making it go back to normal. Like, if he isn’t admitting he’s wrong how can I forgive him? & if I can’t forgive him how can we fix the relationship? But… everything that’s broken isn’t meant to be fixed. Sometimes we have to just let it go. When I stopped wanting what couldn’t be, and really really let go, I was able to forgive because I wasn’t expecting anything on the other side of it. It was just to heal me. Not heal a broken relationship. Embrace the now, not the could be’s.

Forgiving Yourself – Sometimes we want to hear sorry so badly because we don’t want to admit we were wrong about something or someone. & when you’re waiting on forgiveness for one thing, a million new things can be happening that you’ll want to hear more sorry’s for! Then it’s to a point where you have to keep waiting on a sorry just so you don’t look stupid. But sis, you have to forgive yourself for allowing things you knew you didn’t deserve. It’s almost impossible to forgive anyone else if you can’t forgive yourself. End the viscous cycle now so you can get back to you.

Forgiveness is for you. It’s a selfish act, but it’s one of those times when selfishness is good for you.

& if you really think about it… What if you had heard ‘sorry’? Would that have changed anything? It probably would’ve just dragged lies out further. I know it would’ve for me.

I knew what forgiveness meant. But I needed to learn how to do it without hearing sorry. Remember your power. Remember your crown. & remember that forgiveness is always for you, not them.



Have you ever had to forgive without an apology? How did you deal?

What I’ve Learned A Year After Starting a Blog

As you can guess from the title, She Copes turned a year old in May! Time FLEW. Although it’s something I should’ve been happy about, it was very bittersweet for me. Why wouldn’t this be a reason to be excited? And plan a celebration? Continue reading What I’ve Learned A Year After Starting a Blog

Self-Care is More than Scented Candles

Author: Dosya J. 

As owner of The Sweet Decor, self-care is tied to my business from a consumerism stand-point as it relates to certain products sold in my store. As a person that deals with anxiety, I am wise to the fact that genuine self-care is not limited to consumerism. Continue reading Self-Care is More than Scented Candles